by Michael Maciel

One of the things that gets in the way of forgiveness is our reluctance to accept the way people are.

We expect them to be different, as though they’re violating our expectations of them. Every time we see them, they surprise us with their behavior.

At some point, we have to ask ourselves why we’re being surprised.

So when we let them be who they are and not try to fit them into our sense of right and wrong, our stress levels go way down. They’re still irritating, they’re still causing problems for us, but we no longer get blindsided by them.

Getting upset with someone for acting badly is like getting upset with a cloud for raining on us.

People who act badly are like that—they’re like a cloud that rains. They’re like a fact of nature.

Seeing them in this way changes us, and as we change, they will change. Maybe not as much as we would like, but enough to lower the stress level for both them and us.

The highest form of love is respect. When people act consistently, we tend to trust them, and trust is the foundation of respect.

Trying to change people is the highest form of disrespect, so when we stop doing that, they sense it. They can feel us withdraw our “changing” energy from them, and they tend to settle down.

This is a lot of what “love your enemies” is about.